Saturday 5th November 2005
Bonfires and fireworks. How appropriate. I got two hours sleep last night courtesy of the pain and bleeding from the top two pins removed from my leg yesterday afternoon. The leg certainly feels like a firework about to explode - it's throbbing and humming and I can't bend my knee much because the pin sites are really stinging (and still bleeding a bit, but not as much).
One small thing that I forgot to add to yesterdays entry was this - I asked my OS if I could keep the pins removed from my leg as I know that they are disposable items. So a kind nurse washed all the blood and yuck off of them and put them in a nice bag for me. What a weird memento. Still, it'll be a hell of an ice breaker at parties in the future lol.
So as I sit here and churn out another lengthy piece of waffle that is my diary, I have to ask myself, "Who benefits from this?" and "Who actually READS this?". It obviously benefits me as a kind of therapy and a way of mentally unloading all the pain, frustration, boredom etc and it also benefits the moderators who are obliged to read any and all entries for instances of politically incorrect jokes lol and apply judicious editing.
This is a PC (Politically Correct) diary entry. At least I think it is.
"A man walks into a bar. "Owww" he says".
Ok that's near enough to the mark hahahaha. Joking aside, I think the moderators do an excellent but nonetheless necessary job and the quality of the content on this site is testimony to that.
I do tend to find grammatical and typographic errors AFTER I've hit the "Post" button, but then it's too late to edit to make it look right. Note to self - must re-read my new diary posts several times before posting.
Waffle, waffle, waffle omg there are I go again. Several paragraphs of complete nonsense. Still, it looks like I've got a lot to say when the diary entry is opened up on screen hahaha.
Well there's a reason for the excess amount of waffle because today has been a bit of a washout. Because of the lack of sleep last night, I dozed on and off until around midday, even tho I had woken up at 7am this morning! My leg throbbed and I had to give in and take some pain meds - the first lot I've taken in nearly 2 months. Wow. Feels strange popping pills again as I gotten used to NOT taking them (like normal people lol). The pills eventually do the trick, but since yesterday, I've had no appetite, probably due to worry and as a result I have a cup of coffee for breakfast (or lunch should I say as it's gone noon!)
I then start my first attempts at weight bearing with the cast on. This is very awkward because with the shoe on my cast, my right leg is about 2 inches longer than my left and I immediately feel like a sailor walking on the deck of a ship in a force 10 gale. The pain and throbbing in my leg while doing this is distinctly unpleasant as well, so I don't attempt a great deal more of this lopsided "walking". I assume that once the pin sites have settled down that this will get easier.
So I've spent the majority of today layed on my bed as it is the most comfortable place to lay the leg up. The boredom is crushing so I try to cat nap as that's the only thing I can think of that will pass the time. Waste of time. I decide to try and count the number of times I can sigh in a minute. How pathetic is that.
It's got to get better than this.
Still it's day 1 of a change of recovery as I now have the plaster cast instead of the fixator. The odd thing is, is that I feel strangely vulnerable as the fixator is not on holding the bones firmly in place and I have this misconception that there's a chance that the fractured bone ends can move apart. Silly really, I know, especially as my OS has told me that the fracture site is now strong enough to hold itself together and actually removing the fixator will IMPROVE things and stimulate more bone growth as the fractured ends are no longer fixed and held apart - they can move closer together.
This will take a bit of getting used to, but hey, I've got time on my side. Loads of it. Stretching away into the distance like an endless road. I really need something to lift my spirits and give me a bit of hope as my crippled leg has led to a crippled state of mind as well. It's difficult to lift your head and think positive when the weight of your dark thoughts keeps dragging your head back down to the floor.
Let's just say that if crying were an Olympic sport then I'd win the gold medal for the UK no problems.
I'd better stop there as it's getting close to midnight and if I type any more then I'll have to start a new entry for tomorrow's date right here lol.
Well, to anyone reading this who is unfortunate enough to have a BL, I wish you all well and happy healing.