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Carin : Weeks 3-4 – Reality sinks in
Diary entry posted Tue 3:34pm 4 August 2009

So now I lie in bed all day, foot propped up, kinda working on my laptop, trying to amuse myself with books and movies but not able to concentrate. Got into silly stuff like Facebook (and its Farmville game – a true time suck), and Oh No They Didn’t and Yahoo Dominoes. Actually kind of working – my current position involves a lot of phone calls and emails, so somewhat business as usual, although it is tough to concentrate.

The depression has kicked in hard. Now that I’m done with the pain pills, the reality has sunk in. So isolated, not able to do a lot for myself. Feeling sluggish and icky from not being able to exercise or even just move around, eating crappy foods. It’s taking time to assert myself on my requests for food and grocery shopping – I want unreasonable things like veggies, milk, Lean Cuisines I can pop in the microwave myself when alone. Dad means well but he’s not really a cook or really thinks about that kind of stuff. I keep wondering about Rear Window – Jimmy Stewart had a caregiver/nurse around during the days who seemed to make him meals and do stuff around the apartment (and also help him solve the murder mystery) – could I get someone like that? I am grateful for all the help and care I am getting but am feeling reluctant to ask for more.

So the last few days I vowed to try and snap out of this funk. Per someone’s advice, I read stories on mybrokenleg.com, and think about the people in a worse situation. It could be worse, I could have a full leg cast! Exterior fixation! Two broken legs! And think of specific things to be grateful for.

And also per some advice on mybrokenleg.com, tried to focus on what I COULD do. Sitting out in the sun (to generate Vitamin D). Crutched halfway down the block and came back. Discovered that with Netflix you can watch videos online anytime, and found a Pilates Mat DVD and followed along while lying in bed (could do about half of the exercises). “10 Minute Solution: Rapid Results Pilates”. Oh, and South Park – Starvin Marvin and “Respect My Authoritay”.



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 Tue 3:34pm 4 August 2009
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