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Emily_V : 12 week update
Diary entry posted Fri 2:19pm 7 December 2018

Today marks 12 weeks since being hit, precisely. At this time exactly (22h) I'd be in the operating room, probably feeling the floaty effects of the drugs right before getting knocked out. It's crazy to think back on, because it feels so long ago, but also not.
A lot has changed since my first weeks with the broken bones. I feel so much more stable, both physically and emotionally. I am still very protective of my leg when other people are around me, but I feel very comfortable moving around, resting it, and if I accidentally touch it to a chair or something, it doesn't freak me out. I still experience pretty regular bouts of pain, especially at night, but I'm much more ok with it. I had my 12 week checkup on Tuesday, and my x-rays show continued healing. The tibia looks good, fibula is being slow and difficult, and is very lumpy. I finally got my original x-rays pre surgery, which are gruesome and impressive. My bones were so displaced, it's crazy that they are lined right up at this point. I also realized this WHOLE time I've been saying tibia and fibula in reverse. lol.
I got permission from the doc to proceed with weight bearing to 100%, which is slow and painful at times, but exciting nonetheless. Physio is going well and I have a great doctor there. I may have to have a screw removal surgery, and I'm hoping that doesn't involve full anesthesia or a night in the hospital. I go back in 2 weeks for the final decision on that.
Overall, the main irritation I have right now is feeling like I'm on the brink of a major breakthrough but not knowing when that will come. Healing is so, so individual, and I not sure if I will be taking my first steps next week, or in a month, or longer... I am not sure if my lumpy and slow fibula will pose a bigger problem or not, and the doc is very noncommittal about it.. "for know it looks good, but let's see next time." From that I can deduce that it's not 100% ideal, but also not immediately dangerous or bad.
Trauma wise, I am doing way better. I still feel a surge of flight or fright panic when a car moves near me, and I strongly dislike the sound cars make when they are loudly bouncing over a bumpy surface. I still sometimes get stuck in thoughts about some detail of my accident, or imagine worst case scenario alternate realities, but it very rarely interferes with my mood or day anymore. And best of all, I don't feel dizzy, woozy, and haven't had any more panic attacks. I do have re-occurring dreams where I either forget I need crutches and walk on my broken leg, or my crutches break, malfunction, shrink, etc.. but those have started to taper off too. My knee is quite painful, and unfortunately extremely common side effect of the IM nail, and that does intrude on my dreams at times, but overall my sleep is massively improved, with maybe one wake during the entire night as opposed to several hours of laying there, waiting to sleep.
I hope that the next stage of my healing comes soon, but I am also reminding myself that it's probably still quite the process yet. I am doing as well as I'd hoped, and that's good enough for me right now.

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 Fri 2:19pm 7 December 2018
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