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Flanagan : Tears of Joy
Diary entry posted Thu 6:44pm 19 May 2005

Yesterday I made myself walk down the stairs in my house like a mended person, and not like a tentative two year old "two stepping each stair." Enough is enough, for Gods sake, it's time to get tougher. Sure it hurts like hell, of course it's scary, not to mention the fact that my timing and coordination are "off" on the left foot. Step by step, I found out that yes, I could do it, but I had to hold on to the railing. I said to myself, " For now on, you will go down the stairs like a mended person, or ELSE! (or else I'll be
disappointed in myself) :(
Last night I brought my son to the Skating Rink for his lesson. I stood at one of the glass windows where the parents stand to watch their kids skate. I practiced my knee bend. (As soon as I can bend my left knee deeper, I will be able to start Skating again. Staring out at the ice, and not being able to skate, motivated me.)
I stood on the mending leg, and got as low as I could into a knee bend. When I couldn't get any lower, I held the bend pushing down, and yes, I and was able to get a bit lower. The top of my ankle feels as if it's incased in cement. It's the tightness which is restricting the knee bend. Weeks ago, when I was starting to walk, the BACK of my ankle felt like that. It went away, and the back of my ankle is normal again.
Last night for the very first time since the leg break, I was able to sleep on my stomach with my left foot NOT turned out to the side. I'd been unable to extend the foot and ankle down, I had to either hang my foot off of the bed, or turn my foot to the side.
*******************The Best Part of My Day*********************
I walked downstairs very quickly to start a load of wash this morning, and my mind was somewhere else. When I'd gotten to the landing at the bottom, I stopped in my tracks, and looked up at the stairs. I had gone down them the way that I used to do, before my "break. Same hurried speed, no hands......and I did it without even thinking. {This is just another example of my body taking action knowing what it's capable of doing, before my mind can put a stop to it}.
I stood at the bottom and actually cried happy tears. There were times when I wondered if I would EVER do stairs normally again.
I ran upstairs like a happy kid on Christmas morning. Who could I tell this to? "James! (that's my 10 year old) Look at this! I can walk down the stairs just like I used to do!" He stood at the top of the stairs smiling, as I proceeded to walk up the stairs, and walk down again, over and over. :)


"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
David E. Bresler

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 Thu 6:44pm 19 May 2005
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