JoNewt 6:09am Feb 16 2017
What a crazy journey this breaking-a-leg thing has been! Some days I feel relatively good and other days I start thinking I am going a bit nuts.
I am usually a go-go-go type of person but like everyone here, suddenly found myself being forced into sit-sit-sit, with my leg elevated. During the first 6 weeks, even though my pain level was much higher, I found that I had more patience and self-compassion than I do now in regards to my situation.
By Christmas, I was feeling bored a lot so I started working (full time) from my couch at home after the first week of January. This turned out to be more challenging than I originally thought it would be. Now my work keeps asking me when I will be able to go back to the office and I keep saying 'I don't know' - because I don't know when I will be feeling strong and energetic enough to tackle a full day at the office. I barely make it through the day working from home.
And then January/February brought lots of snow, lots of freezing rain days and even more snow dumps. It's been a particularly brutal winter so far and this has often prevented me from going out.
I was feeling relatively no pain until I started PWB at 75%. Now I feel some pain every time I walk and the swelling also increased a bit. I think it's 'normal' pain but that it might also increase with PT starting soon. I also wonder if dealing with this extra pain is the reason behind my level of tiredness lately.
Has anyone else found that they feel more frustration as time goes by? I keep thinking the next milestone will make me feel happier that I'm getting closer to 'normal' but it always turns out to be less exciting than I imagine it to be. Actually, sometimes I feel more scared than anything -scared of pain increasing, scared of re-injury, scared of slipping, scared my ankle mobility won't come back, etc. And everything still takes so long! Walking on crutches, removing my air cast and putting it back on, getting up and down stairs, etc. Heck, even going out to a follow up appointment means I need to factor in extra time to get ready and to get there.
Also, I seem to burst out crying more frequently lately. This is the part that makes me feel like I'm going a bit nuts. I have to ask my family to drive me anywhere. I am frustrated with still being so dependent on everyone. I am frustrated that I can't give my work a definitive answer. I'm sick of all this snow and ice outside that is forcing me to stay inside. I don't understand why I'm so tired all the time.
I'm not typically in such a grumpy/negative/whiny mood but honestly, lately, I am wondering if all these feelings are part of the normal process of breaking a leg or if this is over and above what other people feel like in this situation.
I appreciate any thoughts feedback you can provide.
Nov 23- Pilon fracture from slip and fall
Nov 28- surgery 3 plates, 20 screws, half cast
Nov 30- go home, NWB for 8 weeks
Dec 8- half cast and stitched removed, air cast
Jan 23- 50% PWB with air cast
Feb 6- 75% PWB with air cast
Feb 17- PT starts
Feb 23- 100% WB with air cast until confident to try without cast on