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 Re: Mental Struggles at Home
JG in Idaho    3:01pm Apr 25 2020

Matt - Thanks for the quick response, my apologies for taking so long to reply myself.

Questions and discussion are certainly welcome and helps me to get my bearings a little straighter. It seems that there is an expectation of attendance at family nights. Iíve learned since moving that their family is very co-dependent. The fiancť works in the same office as her mom, they speak on the phone outside of work about 2-5 times a day, they love 5 miles away in our town now, and this week probably spent 3 or 4 dinners with everyone over at their house. I have limited expectations (using my leg as justification) to my attending one dinner a week. Which isnít just dinner, but visiting for a few hours beforehand and a few hours afterwards. Iíve learned that this is exhausting for me, so many conversations and things happening and itís difficult for my brain to keep up after a time. That said there may be a comment about ďwe havenít seen you for so longĒ (I was here this night a week ago...), ďitís good to get out of the houseĒ (donít you think I myself am tired of spending my life either in bed or in my living room?), or ďwe heard you have difficulty getting over hereĒ. Nothing is said with malice, but you can tell from the conversation and they way comments are made that the underlying message is one of dissatisfaction that I donít attend all of their family functions.

The fiancť is home 24/7 due to work - she is working remotely. So she takes care of making most meals (though I am starting to make at least 1 a day), all household chores, moving my pillows and blankets between bedroom and living room, picking up my medications, etc. Thatís why I use the term caregiver. Itís created an odd balance - she wouldnít let me take over any of those tasks (if I could), but every now and then when we have an argument she somehow finds a way to throw it in my face how much she does for me and to maintain the house. As much as I try to be understanding (and fully appreciative) of the burden she has had to take on, I am also firm in standing up for myself and letting her know that she canít throw things like that in my face under these circumstances.

We had a big blow out last weekend as discussed in my original post, for which we came to an understanding afterwards and she apologized for some things. Her ADD is challenging for her at home and leads to anxiety and stress over everything going out, which causes her to spiral down and explode. Yet her we are again today, amidst another weekend fight. I have made a point to focus on communicating clearly and concisely, and finding ways to come up with plans so that we arenít just sitting around the house (we were supposed to drive to a local lake today to take in the views and have dinner), but she still finds faults and gets frustrated and destructive. I guess my concern as that this is too much to ask of her to deal with, but I need the help, donít have anyone else to turn to, and she wouldnít let me try to take things off of her plate even if I could.

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 Mental Struggles at Home  new
JG in Idaho  5:10pm Apr 18 2020
 Re: Mental Struggles at Home  new
SMM  10:06am Apr 19 2020
 Re: Mental Struggles at Home  new
JG in Idaho  3:01pm Apr 25 2020
 Re: Mental Struggles at Home  new
SMM  10:02pm Apr 25 2020
 Re: Mental Struggles at Home  new
Nicola Stan  8:33am Apr 27 2020


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26 May 2020